The ABC Game
Copyright © 2020 Terry Payne
Prologue
Somewhere out there is a Little Pumpkin who is about to have this story read to him. Are you that Little Pumpkin? If so, hello there, Little Pumpkin!
I have written this story just for you. It is about a boy named Dido and his mother, and of a certain afternoon they spent together. Are you ready? Here we go:
There were two special things about this day. First of all, it was Dido’s birthday, which, of course, is a special day for everyone. But for Dido, this birthday was also the day of the great ABC game.
Or, at least, it may have been the day of the great ABC game. Listen to my story, Little Pumpkin, and decide for yourself. Let me know what you think.
The day began with dozens of friends stopping by Dido’s house to drop off his birthday presents. From there they walked to the park to set everything up for his grand birthday party.
As we draw back the curtain, Dido is standing in front of a table in the den, his mother sitting on the couch behind him. Dido’s eyes are bulging, for he is looking at the great pile of presents on the table. He says to his mother—
Well, let’s listen.
Chapter 1:
The ABC Game
“I say, Mother,” said Dido, “must we wait until we return before opening my presents? Mightn’t I open at least one now? It will be ever so long before we come back home. I am quite certain I shan’t be able to think of anything but my presents until we do.”
(Oh, I forgot to tell you, Little Pumpkin, that Dido and his mother had originally lived in England, with Dido’s very-proper English grandmother; and they had a way of speaking that may sometimes sound funny to our American ears. Did you notice? For example, an American boy or girl, who had not grown up with a very-proper English grandmother, might have said something like, “Mom! Presents! Now!”
But now Dido and his mother lived in America and have been picking up many American ways of saying things, as you shall see. Some of these can be quite colorful. Maybe you can pick some of them up when you hear them, as Dido has done. But to return to our story…)
Dido’s mother thought for a moment, then said, “But I have something that will make the time fly by. We will play the ABC game as we walk along! And we will come back just as soon as we get to Z, and then you may open not just one but all your presents. How does that sound?”
Dido was hooked. “The ABC game?” he said. “What is the ABC game? I think I should like to play the ABC game. But how long will it take to get to Z? Must we absolutely wait till Z? Mightn’t we come back before we get all the way to Z?”
“Okay, Dido,” his mother said, “perhaps we will come back even before we get to Z. But we must start walking, and we must start at A. Then we shall see.”
“Right ho, then,” Dido said, “Let’s start now! How do we play?”
But, between you and me, Little Pumpkin, Dido’s mother did not, in fact, know how to play any ABC game. I’m afraid she had just dreamed up the idea on the spot — as a way of taking Dido’s mind off his presents, you know. Now, hoping that something would come to her when the time came, she answered, “Come along, and you’ll see.”
So Dido, giving the biggest present one last, wistful look, and listening to the smallest present as he gave it one last, wistful shake, followed his mother out.
As they walked along, he kept asking when the game would start, to which his mother would reply only, “Any minute now,” or “Oh, I think very, very soon.”
Chapter 2:
AOOGAH!
Dido and his mother walked until they arrived at a corner two blocks away. Across the street was the park, decked out for Dido’s party in all its glory. At the sight, Dido’s eyes bulged even more than they had at his presents. There was a band tuning up, barbecues, streamers and other things hanging from the trees, decorated tables — all the usual fixings and more. He began pulling at his mother’s hand to cross, when…
Aoogah!
An old-fashioned car coughed and sputtered up to the opposite curb, honking its very-loud, old-fashioned horn. The driver was Dido’s Uncle Teppy.
Dido’s mother hoisted him up onto her shoulders with an “Alley-oop,” and they crossed the street.
As they hopped up on the curb, a Brouhaha started rippling among the revelers. They, too, had seen Uncle Teppy’s car and had heard the Ballyhoo made by his horn. They gathered round to look at the Boffo car, at the horn and at Uncle Teppy, himself, who was wearing a Cockamamie hat. The whole Caboodle attracted them like a magnet, including Dido.
“Hi, Uncle Teppy!” he said. “I say, is this your car? It’s a Doozy.”
His mother handed him over to his uncle, who allowed Dido to sit in his lap, wear his hat and honk his horn. Needless to say, Dido was all of a Doodah. And, of course, the other children looked on with envy, each of them, to the last, wishing he or she might be sitting where Dido sat.
By and by, they where called away, for the festivities were about to begin. Dido, however, was not sure he was ready to give up his place of honor just yet. When his mother asked, “Well, have you had enough, Dido? I think everything may be ready for you,” he was torn. And what do we do when we are not sure about something? Why, we let Eeny Meeny Miny Moe decide, of course. Dido did just that, and eeny meeny miny moe left him pointing at the car. So he told his mother they must stay a little longer.
But mothers do not always respect the decision of eeny meeny miny moe. She set him down and took his hand. “Off we go,” she said.
“Fiddlesticks,” said Dido. But to be honest, he had been hoping eeny meeny miny moe would point to the party, and was glad to be going now. As they headed off he added, “That Uncle Teppy, Mother: He’s not such a Fuddy Duddy. He’s quite fun, isn’t he?”
“Gonzo,” she agreed.
Chapter 3:
The Hootenanny
“When the revelers saw that the birthday boy was approaching, a low Hubbub started rippling from one end of the crowd to the other. The Hootenanny was ready to kick up its heels.
Now the hubbub erupted into an out-and-out Hullabaloo, as the band burst into music, and the revelers burst into song. This is what they sang (Repeat after me, Little Pumpkin):
Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi
(Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi)
Ho-dee Ho-dee Ho-dee Ho
(Ho-dee Ho-dee Ho-dee Ho)
He-dee He-dee He-dee He
(He-dee He-dee He-dee He)
Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi-dee Ho
(Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi-dee Ho)
… at some point during which, hundreds of Inkles began fluttering to the ground all around like rain. This wiped his uncle’s Jalopy clean out of Dido’s mind.
“Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat!” he cried. “What’s all this?”
“Jeepers Creepers!” his mother cried. “I don’t know.”
Dido looked to the left as his mother looked to the right. And just as they both started looking up…
Kablooey! This time they saw it: Someone had hit a piñata — the second one — which hung from a nearby tree. This one showered them with candy as well as inkles.
“Ka-Ching!” shouted Dido, and started scrambling after the candy with the other children.
Dido’s great birthday party at the park had begun.
Now I am going to skip ahead, Little Pumpkin. But you can rest assured that the party was a Lollapalooza. Along with the other children, Dido played games, swung at piñatas and stuffed his pockets with the candy and little toys that burst out of them. They ate barbecued hot dogs, and cake and ice cream (not barbecued.) The band played, and everyone sang and danced. And so the afternoon bounced gaily along.
When the last sliver of sun slipped behind a house, Dido’s friends started being dragged away for home. One by one, they said goodbye, until eventually Dido was the only child left.
But are you thinking that the party was over? It was not, Little Pumpkin — not by a jug-full. Those adults who did not have a child to take home — and there were plenty — were just getting started.
Now, Dido was not a grownup. But as far as he was concerned, being a year older today, he was no longer a little boy, either. He was one of them, he thought; and he planned on being a part of the fun to the end.
So when the band started up and the dancers came to the clearing, Dido dragged his mother out there, too. And for at least this first dance, she lifted him onto her hip and swung him round and round, Dido shrieking with delight, until they were both quite giddy. The last cymbal crash had not finished fading away before they fell to the grass, panting and laughing.
Once she had caught her breath, Dido’s mother said, “OK, party monster, we have had enough fun for one day. If we Lollygag here much longer we will be walking home in the dark.”
Dido looked at her, as though in disbelief. “I’m sorry, Mother,” he said, “I must have gotten some inkles in my ears; for it sounded — ha ha — like you said, ‘enough fun,’ which I know you could not have said, as there is no such thing.”
“You know that is just what I said, silly boy,” she said, smiling.
Dido tried a second time. “I would never say that you are talking Malarky, Mother. I know you are looking out for me, and you are a dear for it. But sometimes I wonder if you Mollycoddle me just a bit. Think: were these grownups to see me, the birthday boy, walking away from all this fun, like a little child; they might think— no, they should be sure to think me a— why, Mother, a perfect Namby Pamby.”
“What kind of Nincompoop could ever think you — Dido — a namby pamby?” she said. “What a thought! At any event, one must never mind nincompoops.”
“She’s good,” thought Dido, and was about to try for a third time, when the band started playing another song.
But this was not another dance song; this was a piñata-whacking song. Now it was the grownups’ turn with the bat.
Chapter 4:
Paddywhack
Everyone began singing,
Oo Ee Oo-Aa-Aa, Ting, Tang,
Walla Walla Bing Bang,
as Uncle Teppy, the Grand Poo-Bah of the festivities, blindfolded the nearest Palooka, handed him a bat, led him into the clearing and spun him round; whereupon, he began swinging away in the general direction of nowhere near any of the piñatas.
“We really had better get out of here now,” Dido’s mother shouted over the singing and cheering, “before we get Paddywhacked.”
Dido laughed at the word, “paddywhack” and came up with a funny one of his own: “Yes, before we get Quacked.”
This even-funnier word made his mother laugh too. Not to be outdone, she shouted, “All this Rannygazoo is a danger to life and limb,” at which both of them laughed.
Now the palooka seemed to sense that the piñata was in the general direction of exactly where Dido and his mother sat. So, giving another of his wistful looks, this one at the ripping and roaring Rooty Toot, Dido agreed to leave it behind; and he and his mother Skedaddled.
When they’d crossed the street the palooka had apparently connected, for the piñata could be heard being whacked to Smithereens. Dido and his mother walked on and could still hear the band when they were half way home. The revelers were now singing,
Shama Lama Ding Dong
Rama Lama Ding Dong
And even after Dido and his mother had reached their house, two blocks away, they could still hear the band and singers, now playing and singing,
Shimmy Shimmy Ko-Ko-Bop
Shimmy Shimmy Bop
Now, believe me or believe me not, Little Pumpkin, what with all of the Shenanigans at the park, Dido had completely forgotten about his presents. It wasn’t until his mother had put the key into the lock that he remembered. He burst through the door, ran straight to the den and began tearing into them.
Chapter 5:
Yipee Ki-Yay!
Dido’s first birthday present was a set of Tiddlywinks. He opened the box and began right away flipping winks with his mother, chanting gleefully with each flip, “Tiddly-Pom!”
But there were many more presents to get through, so he moved on to the second. This was a handsome book of Ufology. On the cover was a big, beautiful illustration of a big, beautiful UFO, at which he cried, “Va-Va-Voom!”
The third present was a Whirligig. Giving it a spin or two, Dido hooted, “Whizzo!”
The fourth was a pair of Winklepickers. Dido put them on, looked down, and proudly ran around, yipping, “Wowsers!”
There were many more presents, Little Pumpkin — too many to tell you about. I have gone on too long, and you must be getting sleepy. So, to cut a long story short, Yada Yada Yada… Dido opened one present after another — pausing only once to Xertz a glass of water and take a breath, before diving back in — until he finally got through the whole pile. And to this day, some of the revelers at the park, and many neighbors, in all directions, even one couple who lived five and a half blocks away, claim to have heard the following:
“Yippee Ki-Yay!”
“Yabba Dabba Doo!”
“Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah!”
… and many more such whoops and howls of delight, echoing through the neighborhood. Yes, these came from Dido’s house, not only up to his opening of the last present, but throughout the rest of the evening, as he returned to each and every one, to enjoy it again and again.
Epilogue
Well, Little Pumpkin, that brings us nearly to the end of Dido’s day. I will skip ahead one last time and close with the tender scene in his bedroom.
Dido and his mother are lying side by side. He has been tucked into his warm, comfy bed and is all cozy and snug. The two of them are looking up at the glowing stars and moons stickers on his ceiling. They have been talking about all that they have seen and heard and done all day, and are now lying quietly, trying to think of something else they may have forgotten. Suddenly Dido sits up.
Let’s listen.
“I say, Mother,” he said.
(And I wonder, Little Pumpkin, if you are thinking what Dido was thinking.)
“Mmmm?” said his mother.
“I just remembered: the ABC game! We were going to play the ABC game and forgot.”
“Oh? Did we? Well, right now, it is time for sleep,” she said, tucking him back in again. “Even big boys must sleep. The ABC game will have to wait until another day.”
“Tomorrow?” asked Dido, turning onto his side and snuggling into his pillow.
“Tomorrow,” said his mother.
“Absolutely?”
“Positively.”
“Right ho, then,” he yawned. “Good night, Mother.”
“Good night, Dido,” she said. “Sweet dreams.” She kissed him, then lay back and gazed once more at the stars.
After a moment Dido, his eyes still closed, murmured, “Mother.”
“Still here,” she said.
“First thing?”
“Yes, Dido,” she said, “First—” But Dido was not to hear her answer. A soft Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz floated up and circled among the moons and stars, while falling candies circled through a little boy’s dreams.
Oh so gently, Dido’s mother rose from the bed, tip-toed to the door and turned. “First thing in the AM,” she said.
And now, oh so gently, we close the curtain on Dido’s
big day.
And now, Little Pumpkin, if you are still awake, or even if you are not, I bid you, too, good night, and sweet dreams.
The End
Glossary
Aoogah: The sound of a horn on an old-timey car
Alley-oop: Something you say when lifting a heavy object
Brouhaha: An excited reaction to something
Boffo: Awesome
Ballyhoo: An excited commotion
Cockamamie: Ridiculous
Caboodle: All the things of a group
Doozy: An extraordinary one of its kind
Eeny Meeny Miny Moe: Children’s rhyme used when making a difficult decision
Fuddy Duddy: A person who is old-fashioned and fussy
Fiddlesticks: Used to express mild dismay
Gonzo: Extreme, unconventional or bizarre
Hubbub: Commotion
Hootenanny: A gathering with music and dancing
Hullabaloo: A lot of noise made by people who are excited about something
Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi-dee Hi: From “Minnie the Moocher,”
recorded by Cab Calloway
Inkles: Colored linen tape
Jalopy: An old car
Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat: Used to express astonishment
Jeepers Creepers: Used to express surprise or alarm
Kablooey: The sound of something being destroyed
Ka-Ching: Used when getting a lot of loot
Lollapalooza: Something outstanding
Lollygag: Fool around
Malarky: Foolish talk
Mollycoddle: To pay excessive care to another’s welfare
Namby Pamby: A person lacking strength or energy
Nincompoop: A foolish or stupid person
Oo Ee Oo-Aa-Aa, Ting, Tang, Walla Walla Bing Bang: From “Witch Doctor,” recorded by Alvin and the Chipmunks
Poo-Bah: A person of high position
Palooka: A clumsy oaf
Paddywhack: To strike a severe blow
Quack: To perform an act that displays one’s lack of
coordination
Rannygazoo: Nonsensical or irritating activity
Rooty Toot: Something noisy, riotous, or lively
Skedaddle: To depart quickly
Shama Lama Ding Dong: Song recorded by Otis Day and the Knights
Shimmy Shimmy Ko-Ko-Bop: Song recorded by Little
Anthony and the Imperials
Shenanigans: High-spirited activity
Tiddlywinks: a game in which small plastic counters are flicked into a cup
Tiddly-Pom: Meaningless words
Ufology: (pronounced “you-fology”) The study of UFOs
Va-Va-Voom: Used to express that something is exciting
Whirligig: A toy that spins around, like a top or a pinwheel.
Whizzo: Excellent
Winklepickers: ‘50’s rock ‘n’ roll boots
Wowsers: Used to express admiration and enthusiasm
Xertz: (pronounced “zerts”) To gulp down quickly
Yada Yada Yada: Used to bypass the details of a long story
Yippee Ki-Yay: Exclamation of delight
Yabba Dabba Doo: Exclamation of excitement
Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah: Exclamation of happiness
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz: Used to suggest the sound of sleep
AM: Morning